Bridging the Two Worlds- Civilians & Military

Those brave men and women who decide to join the military make many sacrifices, one of them being a sense of alienation at times from civilians. A soldier lives the life and makes his observations based upon his first hand experience, a civilian watches movies and the news and makes a judgment based upon hearsay at best. I, myself, am a civilian with many friends in the military. I have had both the fortune and/or misfortune to view their sub-culture close up. I have never had the honor to hang out with braver, smarter and funnier individuals, yet they face a silent battle when they come home that most of us civilians are blind to. We think the Department of Veterans Affairs takes care of veterans- we don't know anything really nor do most of try to find out. Our ignorance and apathy towards veterans is simply unconscionable, and the root of some serious problems. Consider the following- civilians can further alienate a veteran, especially one that has just returned from combat, by asking insensitive questions or not asking questions at all showing they don't care for the veteran. Civilians do not hold politicians accountable for their mistakes- both Republican and Democrat politicians have failed to take care of the veterans upon return- the red tape in the bureacracy of the Department of VA has caused 400,000 cases to be backlogged- veterans are being denied disability claims they are entitled to for service connected injuries- veterans aren't getting access to counselors to get mental treatment and so much more. Civilians watch shows like "Over There" or "Army Wives" rather than the news (we were devastated when 32 died at the Virginia Tech shootings, yet we are not phased when over 3200 military men and women have been killed, over 3200 families have been destroyed) not that the news is a reliable source. Civilians think a bumper sticker is acting in support of troops when we know it is just to cover our guilt and shame, when we know we could do so much more, when we know we should do so much more- just ask yourself how much did you pay for that bumper sticker then ask yourself how much a wounded soldier and his/her family paid for defending this country, OUR country? Then dig a little deeper in your pocket and do more.

It may seem that I am attacking the civilians. That is not my intent, I am trying to show how our actions, better yet our inaction may be rightfully perceived by them, the veterans. I simply want to point out that our veterans are the ones who enlist, who sacrifice their own personal lives, to defend our privileges. For we are only entitled to the freedoms granted to us in the US Constitution, BECAUSE we have heroes willing to fight and sometimes die to protect them. No one on the face of this Earth says "Hmm, I think I'd like to be oppressed today", we are blessed to be living in a country that offers freedom, even if it is becoming more and more an illusion under the reign of this Constitution-violating Administration. Freedom is a privilege, not a right and those who fight to protect it are our precious, yet scarce resource whom WE MUST fight to protect when they come home from ill-treatment. That is why I'm baffled, why we civilians, are playing the apathy card, the ignorance card, the political card and so biting the hand that feeds us in a way, the military, the veterans-our protectors. They hold up their part of the deal, yet we are slipping up on our end of the deal- to care for them upon their return. WE civilians have a duty to protect them. We are failing, and they are rightfully frustrated and disappointed in us.

Unfortunately, if you are a civilian, there is one thing you must learn if we are to ever connect with those in the military, especially combat veterans who have returned from battle. We will never understand their experience, and to say that you do is a great insult. Now that is not to say you don't try to ask questions and show the veteran that you care. However, note the difference: when a civilian asks a veteran "How many people did you kill?" or "Did you lose anyone you knew?" are you really asking them because you are concerned, or are you really too self-absorbed to know that you just caused them great pain, and reminded them of a hell you would probably not have survived from. Such questions show you are inconsiderate and only awaken the rage in the veteran. A just reaction if you ask me. If you truly care to learn more of what they experienced out of concern or care for the soldier, then you can ask them if they are comfortable talking about the war, and based upon their response you can ask if they can share a something. Most won't mind sharing certain stories, and it actually helps them to talk about it because the memory stops controlling them the more they share it. It is never okay to ask how many or if they killed others. They were sent to war. What happens at war? Every military man and woman is trained to kill, and since war is a last resort plan of action, then chances are if they are combat veterans they used their weapons. For whose benefit do you ask that question? They are not GI Joe dolls, they are strong, but they still have emotions and they've lived so close to death that they appreciate life in a way you and I could not begin to understand. They don't sweat the small stuff, they know a lifetime can be lived in a moment, because they knew they may not survive til the next sunrise. We, civilians, take things for granted, we always think there is tomorrow. We look at life through different set of glasses.

Also, civilians must understand, not every veteran who returns from war has PTSD. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is a reaction to a very intense situation which happens to people involved in major accidents, rape victims and other traumatic events. Most of the veterans who suffer from PTSD are combat veterans or women in military who were raped. Only 30% of the military is combat veterans and only about 15% are female but not all of them have PTSD. Civilians don't even understand what PTSD means-PTSD is a normal reaction to an extraordinary situation. A person would be "crazy" if they weren't traumatized by what they saw or did. It's a mechanism to protect the mind in that moment- imagine saying one who has their hand on a hot iron moves it versus the person who does not move it. PTSD is how the brain moves the mind from the heat to protect further damage. The real threat with PTSD is not having it, but rather it is the stigma, which we civilians perpetuate, that surrounds PTSD- the stigma causes the soldier to not seek treatment early on when they are having nightmares, flashbacks, feeling depressed or alienated, feeling survivor's guilt, alienating friends and family members. As a result of going untreated, then it interferes with their life- can cause the soldier to turn to substance abuse to deal with the pain, can cause problems with work and family, can cause great rage which can't be controlled, or suicide. If only, they were to get treatment- they could control it because it is a normal reaction to the situation, it just happens in the brain so easier to miss at first. Any injury if it goes untreated gets worse. The danger is society- both civilians and the military have put such a negative stamp on the word PTSD that soldiers are ashamed of it- it's like saying I'm ashamed of being human. Human means you have vulnerabilities not that you are weak, and knowing what your vulnerability is and finding a way to protect yourself from it shows strength of character. But what do we do, we are so afraid of what we don't understand and we are so afraid of these trained killers, that we knock them down instead of trying to help them and thus create a self-fulfilling prophecy- a trained killer injured in the mind in battle gone untreated will become a threat to the very society he was trying to protect, the very society that betrayed him and end up suicidal, homicidal, homeless, substance abuser- none of these being mutually exclusive. So why as civilians, who will pay the price for the mess of this war and prior wars one way or another, why do we not choose the clean, simple and humane path- why do we not choose to pay currency- money and get treatment today, now for the veterans as opposed to waiting for 2 yrs or politicians' filibusters to end, until it is too late and we pay for it by losing yet another generation of veterans who go untreated for shell shock, character disorder, schizophrenia, personality disorder, PTSD and the newer combat stress... called many names by doctors and politicians but soldiers continue to fight with the Department of VA for assistance with "IT" and they still don't get proper treatment and what have we civilians done? It has been around since there has been war...

Another aspect of military life we don't understand and are at times envious of is their camaraderie. They are a very tight knit group, and view civilians as outsiders at all times. One military friend once described it as a gang, a second family, where you don't even have to look back to check if the other brother has your back, you just know he does. How many people, as a civilian, do you know that no matter what that individual will be there. The closest thing we have to such a bond is our families and you know how dysfunctional some of those can be. Most of us simply have never experienced such a bond. Yes, when they are abroad, all they can think of is coming home, but when they are home, they miss their brothers. Civilians should not try to compete with this bond, it's simply different. And when they first return home, we shouldn't get angry and give them a hard time when they choose to hang out with fellow military guys- they can talk to them in a way they think we can't handle. Even if they are wrong, even if we could accept the monster in them as well as the gentle person we know, we have to prove it to them, we have to earn their trust. If you fight them on their need to see fellow military buddies when they come home, you only prove you don't understand. You only validate the reason they turn to them and not you in the first place. You shouldn't compete with that bond- you'll NEVER win. You can show you care, and redevelop your own bond with the veteran. Us civilians have to understand that the person who returned is not the person who left the first time. That person is gone forever. You want them back, trust me they want more than anything to be the person they were before they left too, but it just cannot happen. An adult can never see the world as a child does because we simply have lost our innocence. We have seen and experienced too much to turn back the clock... It's the closest comparison I can come up with as to why a soldier upon return is never going to be the same. That is not to say, he or she cannot have the same life he had before he left, it means only that both the veteran and his civilian friends and family need to make adjustments and in a way get to know each other again. It tests the bonds, and sometimes some people just can't cut it- sometimes a civilian cannot get past the wounds or the scars and that is a shame, because usually these guys have such amazing personalities that the scars disappear. Basically, civilians need to be willing to try to get to know this new person.
We are worlds apart, yet we coexist, and civilians need to recognize we are doing our heroes a disservice and we need the veterans to be patient, and willing to show us what you mean. We cannot understand your experiences, but we must come to some understanding, because it involves all of us. You pay the price on the battlefield, and we pay the price at home.
Heck what do I know I'm just a civilian.

Thank you to the men and women of our military- what you do shows the best qualities of us humans, whilst the circumstances in which you do it usually is one which demonstrates the worst attributes of us humans. Always honor the warrior, even if you oppose the war for the warrior does not have your luxury debate political matters, he is too busy fulfilling his duty- protecting your right to free speech, your right to debate if this war is the right war, your right to criticize not just the war but also the warrior if you so choose. Hopefully, every civilian can distinguish between the two. Every veteran, including the homeless veterans, deserve our gratitude and our respect. So what have you done today to show it? And what will you do tomorrow?